Bearing kids and no resemblance

So what have YOU done with the last 20 years of your life?

Whatever it was, I’ll bet you weren’t giving birth once a year to form an entire baseball team, were you?

This toothless handsome responsible Romanian couple, Alexandru and Livia Ionce, hailing from O Canada, recently gave birth to their 18th papoose with no end in sight. They believe God is guiding their lives—and the lives of their children—and will continue to give birth as long as it’s God’s will. Remember that O Canada not only has these crazies, but pays for it through socialized medicine. Normally I have no problem with Canada’s system of medical care (in fact, I think America has a lot to learn from them), but this kind of crap really makes me rethink that position.

Far be it for me to criticize someone else’s physical appearance (as if I’ve never done THAT before) but let’s state the obvious: this woman is only four years older than me but looks 20 years older. True, I have no children and am, myself, a big loser, but at least I have my own teeth and have the common dignity to color my errant grey hairs. Still, one gathers from this story that there’s hope for fat, ignorant, toothless singletons the world over: if THIS woman can get married, one might presume that ANYONE can (well, except me, but more about that in a minute).

However, Canada does not corner the market on crazy, religious-fanatic breeders. There’s also Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Arkansas, USA, now pregnant with her 18th baby. And let’s not forget the progenitorial contributions of 70-year old Omkari Panwar of India, who recently gave birth to twins via in-vitro because her husband (and her faith) prefers her to have a male child which she was unable to conceive naturally. 

I don’t even want to get into why I think this shit is an abomination on the level of child abuse. But it does piss me off that people think I’m a freak because I’m 40 and still single with no kids. To them, this reads: Unwanted. Third Class. Outlet-store reject. Broken. That is, compared to the above mentioned morons who may be ugly, stupid, fanatical, and just plain batshit crazy, but at least somebody loves them, so they must be getting something right.

Right?

By these people’s rules, and by the rules of modern society, my life is worthless. I am unmarried. I have no children. I breathe other people’s air and contribute nothing. Twenty years ago, if I went out with my friends, most of them were single and we had a great time. If I went to a party 10 years ago, many people my age were still dating, or single. These days, if I go to a dinner party, everyone is either in committed relationships, married, or divorced with kids. Everyone. They always ask me the same thing: Are you married? Do you have kids? When are you getting married or having kids? Despite the fact that I have a life, interests, I go to the movies, I watch television, I have a job, I have had several interesting career sidelines, the elephant in the room is that I’m unmarried and, therefore, an unwanted reject. 

Somehow, if I was Livia Ionce, I’d be more accepted at a dinner party than I would as my single self. 

When do I get my headline? “World’s Oldest Singleton Leads Otherwise Normal Life.”

Well, I’ve got news for them. I’d rather be unmarried and childless than: a) marry a toothless man who demands I pump out a new life every year at the expense of going to the dentist; or b) bring a child into the world at the ripe old age of 70 so I can die leaving that child orphaned simply because my husband wants a son. 

Screw him, and screw the world that says that’s normal.

Next time you see a single woman over “a certain age” thank her for having standards and invite her into conversation about something other than your kids and grandkids…. Like, let’s talk about toothless Canadians who have too many children! Everyone can appreciate that!