Day Five Atkins 2.0

Somewhere around six years ago, I discovered the Atkins New Diet Revolution. As I recall (though the exact year on this could be wrong) I began in June of 2003. Ultimately, I lost 80 pounds, and it literally changed my life. Suddenly sexy again, I rekindled old flames, both in people and in my interests. Boyfriends, shopping, new knickers—it was heady. I got back on the stage and started performing again and it was SO much fun… to a point. I honestly don’t think I was prepared for all the attention because, sadly, I screwed things up for myself big time. I got involved with some very destructive people, and soon thereafter, managed to lose those friends, the rekindled interests, and gained back every ounce of fat.

But now I’m back all these years later—almost to the day—better. Stronger. Faster. And much, much wiser.

I’m back on program and things are going back into the correct direction at last. I don’t have any weights and measurements to share right now because I haven’t taken any. I’m going to try, this time, to not worry so much about that stuff, and concentrate instead on A) How I feel; and B) How my clothes fit. If my health and mobility improve, and my clothes keep getting smaller, I’m going to presume I’m on the right track. Oh yes, at some point, I will step on a scale or take measurements, but not right now. I don’t want to concentrate on whether or not the number on the scale changes—in the end, it’s just a number. I am worth more than that.

Sitting here on Day 5, I can tell you one thing: if this is going to be successful, I need to find a lot more food options. Back in 2004, everybody caught onto the Atkins plan and I could find just about anything—including bread—as a low carb option. Now I’m having a hard time even finding merely sugar-free groceries. Bottom line: it’s a pain. So I’ve stocked my cabinets with tons of nuts and cheese, two things I know I can grab and eat on the run. The main meats will have to be prepared and cooked, which I’m finding to be a major inconvenience.

I’m also discovering that I “forget” that I’m on a diet pretty frequently. Driving around town, I suddenly get the urge to drop by a McDonalds for a Filet-O-Fish (my #1 favorite since childhood), and have to stop to remind myself that it’s not allowed anymore. Then again, it IS only the fifth day of a new lifetime plan; I’m still acclimating myself.

Otherwise, I’m good with it. Lucky for me it’s summertime and all the vegetables are fresh and abundant. Sunshine and warm weather (when we have it here) makes for plenty of natural endorphin availability. So for the first time in a long time, I see a glimmer of hope. Again, timing. I bought some new clothes over the weekend (for my present body, not the forthcoming one) so that I don’t feel like such a shapeless slug all the time. Everything’s on sale right now. I even found some nice Prada shoes on clearance sale (oh my God!!). Last night, when I went to bed, I actually dreamed of putting on those Prada shoes and feeling… pretty. Sounds simple, I know, but for a girl who hasn’t dreamed of anything except doom and gloom, or, literally, nothing, for a couple of years, that’s a big step. I think that taking care of myself, putting on makeup, washing my hair, wearing nice new clothes, makes me feel “worthy” to be among humanity. I don’t know why that is, but it’s true. Being a heavy person, I’ve felt incredibly isolated even though the vast majority of Sobrietyland’s population is also surprisingly obese. Plus having quit my job, I’m even further isolated.

I can’t say that the diet is working it’s magic yet. I haven’t felt incredibly healthy nor mentally sharp nor energetic yet. Mostly, I’ve just felt lousy. Some people would say that’s just the “toxins” working their way out of my system. I know that’s rubbish, but I DO know that it takes my body time to adjust—and since it’s a BIG body, it’ll take more time than others.

In the meantime, I’m on my way.